It's lame of me to only write stuff like this when I'm sad. But it's generally the only way I can sort of put things right in my head. It doesn't help that I don't have much of a support network these days, since I tend to let my friendships wither.
Due to various reasons, some beyond my control, others not, I've lost the love of a really wonderful person. Granted she hasn't been quite as wonderful of late, but there are reasons for that. We shared a lot of really great times, and I hope I've become a better person for having had her in my life. I know I'll probably see her again, but the dynamic will never be the same. I wish we could have gone to New York together, I wish I could have woken up next to her, one more time. I wish her all the happiness in the world too, even though that won't include me. I want to get angry, to fight to fix things, but I don't know that things can be fixed, or that it's even a good thing for them to be. I hope I can straighten things out for myself, because I know she wouldn't want me to feel as bad as I do. I just wish I thought I'd be able to find something as wonderful as what we had when things were good. There aren't many people in this world who really understand me, and I don't necessarily believe that there's someone out there for everyone, so I'm scared too. I feel really alone, I know there are people who care about me, but I don't feel any deep connections to anyone anymore, which is no one's fault but my own. Don't worry about me too much though, this is just me at the bottom, talk to me in an hour, and you may not know anything is wrong. Finally, I hope that if she reads this, it doesn't make her sad, since that's the last thing I want. I just had to try and get out a bit of what I'm feeling and hopefully hasten things so that I can move ahead in my life. Which is a whole other can of worms really . . .
Due to various reasons, some beyond my control, others not, I've lost the love of a really wonderful person. Granted she hasn't been quite as wonderful of late, but there are reasons for that. We shared a lot of really great times, and I hope I've become a better person for having had her in my life. I know I'll probably see her again, but the dynamic will never be the same. I wish we could have gone to New York together, I wish I could have woken up next to her, one more time. I wish her all the happiness in the world too, even though that won't include me. I want to get angry, to fight to fix things, but I don't know that things can be fixed, or that it's even a good thing for them to be. I hope I can straighten things out for myself, because I know she wouldn't want me to feel as bad as I do. I just wish I thought I'd be able to find something as wonderful as what we had when things were good. There aren't many people in this world who really understand me, and I don't necessarily believe that there's someone out there for everyone, so I'm scared too. I feel really alone, I know there are people who care about me, but I don't feel any deep connections to anyone anymore, which is no one's fault but my own. Don't worry about me too much though, this is just me at the bottom, talk to me in an hour, and you may not know anything is wrong. Finally, I hope that if she reads this, it doesn't make her sad, since that's the last thing I want. I just had to try and get out a bit of what I'm feeling and hopefully hasten things so that I can move ahead in my life. Which is a whole other can of worms really . . .
